How to Help Your Child Transition Back to School

Summer can be full of fun and flexibility. Returning to the daily routine of school may feel like a significant change, especially when a child is unsure about a new teacher, classroom, classmates, or what the school day will be like.

If your child is nervous about going back to school, begin with a calm conversation, share the information you have, and make a clear plan for the first days. When school attendance has been difficult before, include school staff in that plan from the beginning.

Talk when your child is calm

Choose a time when your child is calm and neither of you is rushing. Do not begin this conversation at bedtime, when worries may feel bigger and there is less time to work through them.

Ask what they are thinking or wondering about as school approaches. Listen for the specific parts that feel hard, unfamiliar, or worrying. The purpose of this first conversation is to understand the concern, not to convince your child that there is nothing to worry about.

Share the information you have

Uncertainty can add to a child's worry. Give your child the school information you already know, such as their teacher, classroom, classmates, arrival plan, or daily schedule. If you do not know an answer yet, say so honestly and explain when you will likely know more details.

Make a school-team plan when attendance has been difficult

If your child has previously had difficulty attending school, a gradual entry may help. Talk with the appropriate school staff before putting a plan in place. The family and school staff need to agree on the plan so the adults can respond consistently and the school staff can determine what support is available and appropriate.

A coordinated plan may adjust when your child enters the building, where they begin the day, or how much time they initially spend in the classroom. The exact steps should be developed with school staff for your child rather than put in place by the family alone.

Help your child calm their body and mind

During the nights leading up to school, start by acknowledging your child's feelings. Validation does not mean agreeing that the feared outcome will happen. It means showing that you hear the feeling before helping your child use a calming strategy.

Choose one strategy and practice it together:

• Take slow breaths while pairing them with a helpful thought, such as, “I can do difficult things one step at a time.”
• Try a child-friendly muscle-relaxation exercise by gently tightening and then relaxing one part of the body at a time.
• Use calming imagery by picturing a comfortable place and noticing what your child would see, hear, smell, and feel there.

Set up a reward for attending as planned

A clear, short-term reward plan can help a child practice school attendance during a difficult transition. Decide in advance what successful attendance means for that day and what the child can earn when they complete it.

Use rewards that are free, fun, and repeatable over several weeks. Examples include stopping at the park, playing an already-owned video game, choosing a family activity, or having one-on-one playtime at home. Avoid food, treats, and buying new things as the reward, because rewards need to be sustainable over many days.

• Give the reward as soon as possible after the expected school day—on the way home or shortly after arriving home.
• Reward each successful day. Do not require a perfect week before your child earns anything.
• Once a reward is earned, give it. Do not remove it because of unrelated behavior in another setting.
• Expect the first few days, or even the first week, to be more difficult. Begin with smaller expectations and a more appealing reward when needed.

Shift from rewards to labelled praise

After your child has attended school regularly for at least five school days in a row, begin shifting away from the reward and toward labelled praise. Labelled praise names the specific positive behavior you noticed.

Keep the praise focused on what went well today. Do not attach a reminder of past missed days or other difficult experiences to the positive message.

If the plan is not enough

A difficult first day does not mean the plan has failed. Review what happened with your child and the school team, decide whether the expectation or support needs to change, and make the next step clear.